My Grandma’s ‘Empty’ Nest – Was It Really Empty?

The picture is so vivid in my mind even now. If I had a mobile phone back then, I could have taken a photo and shared it with you now! On the other hand, maybe the fact that I was not able to take a photo then is the very reason why the picture is still fresh in my memory!

Grandma used to often visit the major temples in Trivandrum. I remember accompanying her many times to several temples—and not just temples, but also a church called Vettukadu Palli, and a mosque called Beema Palli. There, she used to contribute milk and bread to the poor. I was quite fascinated by this and told her that I would tell all my friends about it when I reached school the next day. Then she advised me that we should not disclose such acts of giving to anyone! I couldn’t understand it at that time, but now I think I realize what she meant.

Grandma used to lay down certain rules, such as “girls shouldn’t laugh loudly,” “don’t clap hands after sunset,” and so on (to name just a few!). But my cousins and I used to reject all of that, categorizing them as “false beliefs.”

The other day, I overheard my kids discussing my change in behavior and my own “false beliefs.” That was when I realized that I have started saying the same things nowadays! I have even started chanting prayers in the Puja room. During my “life before midlife,” I never used to do that. This got me wondering whether I am starting to become like my Grandma. Thus, recently, when I was suffering from empty nest syndrome (ENS), it led me to ponder whether she, too, had experienced ENS.

Grandma had eight children, of whom five are girls. My mother is the eldest. In those days, the nest used to get empty not because children (especially girls) left home for higher studies or a job, but because of marriage. After my mother’s marriage, Grandma’s nest still had seven nestlings.

And then, before my mother’s younger sister could get married, my mother had already given birth to my brother and me. Then my mother’s younger sister got married and left, but she returned to Grandma’s nest in nine months for her delivery! So my grandmother’s nest only became fuller than before!

This process continued, and ultimately it came about that my mother and her four sisters religiously went back and forth to Grandma’s nest for almost 25 years between them, presenting her with nine grandchildren (not to mention the three via her sons)!

Then came my turn, and I went to my mother’s home for my first delivery, and Grandma was right there too. And then it was my cousin’s turn. We took over the process of “going back and forth,” and it went on for another five years. And Grandma was there all the time!

My grandmother’s nest was never empty! So I am sure she might not have experienced empty nest syndrome. Even then, no one ever wished her “Happy Mother’s Day” on the second Sunday of May.

My grandmother, my mother, and I all studied in the same school in Trivandrum: Cotton Hill Girls’ High School. Grandma became a grandmother in her thirties, and my mother became a grandmother in her forties. So, to keep up the “family tradition,” I should become a grandmother at least in my fifties and thus keep the trend moving in an arithmetic progression!

I presented this hope of mine to my family at dinner during the last Onam vacation. My children started talking about their own hopes and dreams—especially my daughter, who started babbling about all the various places she wants to visit on planet Earth before she marries, her favorite job location, and so on.

By then, I was almost convinced that I may not become a grandmother in my sixties or even in my seventies! Seeing my face turning a desperate blue, she suggested that since I am an empty nester and have lots of free time on my hands, we could “adopt” a grandchild for me right now!

Grandma, your great-grandchildren are full of dreams and hopes, unlike your grandchildren, who have only just started pursuing their dreams after hitting the empty nest!

Grandma, did you ever wish for some space and time of your own back then? Did you ever wish to talk about your dreams and hopes to anyone? Did you ever feel lonely at any time when your grandchildren (or children) were busy with their friends and their studies, and not sharing quality time with you?

Grandma, I still sometimes hear you chanting your prayers. I am sure you will visit me in my dreams whenever you are free. I hope your nest is not “always” full like before!

You will always live in my heart.

Happy Mother’s Day, Grandma! I know you must be smiling now.

Happy empty nesting, friends! By the way, what are your favorite memories of your grandma? Please share those sweet memories!